The following celebrity-themed “follow Friday” recommendations are brought to you by JORiDior, creolepimp, LuvvieIG, Leci_83, OneOf_TheKids, harlem_nocturne, jaonyourmind, justNancyP, and me mahself. Enjoy our lack of good sense.

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Follow @mechanicaldummy cuz he ain’t hit a bitch in like six months, and personally, I call that growth.

Follow @maryjblige cuz in middle school you used to walk down the front steps and sing “I’m Going Down” to yourself.

Follow @rocsidiaz because your man probably is and you know how that ho get.

Follow @Adrienne_Bailon because she has to be good at SOMETHING. Tres leches cake probably.

Follow @JessicaSimpson cuz she still lookin for her dog…the one that them coyotes snatched up. And she needs some help ‘kay guys?

Follow @drakkardnoir, literally, because he’s gonna need you to help pick him up when that knee go out again.

Follow @CraigDavid cuz you called your voicemail “the answer phone” for six weeks after Fill Me In hit the charts.

#Follow @neyoshairline cuz his forehead can’t. Got lost at the fork in the road. *cues violins*

Don’t follow @perezhilton cause he STILL ain’t humbled himself down since he got the heterosexuality bitch-slapped outta him by Will.I.Am.

Follow @50cent #withisuglyass to see where that nigga goes after he kills me for fucking with him on Twitter.

Follow @DaRealerstTPain cause his dumb ass made a typo in his screen name and never fixed it. #coon

Follow @iamdiddy so you can tell us where he and the rest of the Filthy Foodstamp crew been hiding since Shyne got out.

Fllw @KhloeKardashian home. Cause the last n*gga that did, married her. (She’s the only Kardashian sis that is, so think about that b4 u h8)

Follow @neneleakes eye cause the other one doesn’t.

Follow @mslaurenlondon cause she found out what’s a goon to a goblin. Goblins can impregnate you.

Follow @songzyuuup cause he can’t hold his lip like that forever. Whatchu waitin on?

#follow @thereallraye cause Al Sharpton did and now he hitting that. Thanks Twitter.

Fellas #follow @lilduval. At least then you’ll know somebody u KNOW your dick bigger than.

#follow @Ciara because she knows where to get the good tape to get that tuck real proppa.

Follow @NeYoCompound cause GURRLL we all know your tea we are just waitin on u to spill it.

Follow @DJ_AM because …….what ….. oh he died ….. well never mind then

Follow @Finallevel because when he get tired of coco he can fucks with @teamruckus1

Follow @Wale cause he got @solangeknowles sayin fuck TONY

#follow @qtiptheabstract b/c Prison Song was the ONLY good Blackbuster movie.

#follow @Jonasbrothers b/c they ain’t nothing but hanson the remix.

#follow @BabyPhat at night when she goes home and takes off her wig, she looks like Mulan.

#follow @AndyMilonakis cuz I got peas on my head but dont call me a pea head!

#follow @Basketball_Ron b/c MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL YOU MY NIGGA!

#follow @drakkardnoir b/c BIG WHEELS KEEP ON SKATING! JIMMY KNEE KEEP ON BREAKING! Skating. Skating. Skating in a wheelchair!

#follow @RealTracyMorgan b/c he thru a book at a white lady and it hit her in the face and he didn’t get sued.

#follow @ToureX b/c he tips so you don’t have to!

#follow @fatbellybella b/c Tyrone was TONY b4 Solange made renamed him.

#follow @NeNeLeakes b/c Sarah Palin mistakes her for game during hunting season.

#follow @myfabolouslife B/c his tweets chart higher than his singles.

#follow @NeYoCompound b/c he twankles and glissens when he duckwalks all over the Billboard charts.

#follow @MissKeriBaby b/c… admit it… YOU too want the wraparound bang mullet hair attachment.

#follow @taylorswift13 b/c I like the lyrics about the cheerleaders under the bleachers with the sous chef or something like that.

#follow @aliciakeys b/c she invented the phrase “It ain’t trickin’ if ya got it.”

#follow @realzoekravitz b/c she shares her weed like a GOOD friend!

#follow @fefedobson cuz she may let you bite her style and then you can be the next it girl.

#follow @YoungSimmons and make sure he keep his shoes tied and helmet on.

#follow @Ciara to the Marta station cuz her Breeze pass game is proper.

#follow @fatbellybella but dont look her avy in the eye. all crochet everything aint for everybody.

#follow @ojdajuiceman32 if you aint got shit else to do.

#follow @souljaboytellem cuz you too want such an immaculately conceived hairline.

#follow @kimkardashian & @nickiminaj to your local booty-shot bar.

#follow @monicadanger so you’ll be on her good side when it all falls down.

#follow @geisha305 to the U.S.A. Flea Market where your swag can be just as effervescent as you

#follow @solangeknowles cuz she rock the ol school Temptations fade real good.

#follow @aliciakeys so you can finally hear her cover of “As We Lay”.

#follow @darealamberrose because she look like she’ll let you put your finger there.

#follow @solangeknowles because she got the low cut Ceasers with the deep wave.

#follow @mechanicaldummy because he’ll give you the shoryuken if you don’t.

#follow @kimzolciak because all she needs in the world is Newports and Chardonnay, and nothing else fucking matters!

#follow @PliesDaRealist but only if your pussy smells like water.

Follow @tiffanyevans because she can measure you real good at payless on peachtree before she goes to the tyler perry audition

Follow @drakkardnoir if you want that cardigan discount

You’re welcome!