Archive for the “Music” Category

Imma try to hurry up and get this post over with. I’m mad I looked at the awards in the first damn place, I sure as hell do not feel like reliving every shitty moment.

(All images courtesy of Yahoo!)


Lil Mama was apparently super pissed that Monica and Keyshia Cole be stealing all the gutta rat shine, because this weavetastical bitch showed up and showed OUT.

Evidently still ticked off that Jem and the Holograms was canceled back in ‘88, Miss Keri Baybeh did her best to bring the look back. And it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s that I thought she looked a hot ass mess who could’ve at least stuck to one print if not one color. Oh. That didn’t come out as nice as I intended it to….Keri does get props for incorporating MJ into her performance, and the dancing was live as shit, but then she busted out in acapella and I was reminded why she spent so many years behind the scenes writing the hits instead of performing them. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

THIS muthafucka.

She looked gorgeous and she broke my heart. I still believe that Damita Jo is the only one who really loved Mike unconditionally and wholly. I felt her pain and I wish her all God’s comfort.

I don’t have a whole lot else to say because, as per usual for a BET production, everything was a fucking disaster, but from what I can remember:

* New Edition shoulda danced and let the backgrounds do all the singing.

* Who the fuck decided that Ciara should sing a tribute instead of poplockin?

* Beyonce looked like Princess Fairy of The Sweet White Icing Tribe and shoulda left that dog shelter song the hell alone. That performance in its entirety is gonna loop behind every TV ad for her Hamburger Helper campaign, just you watch.

* A bunch of teenagers onstage during “Every Girl” = have you niggas learned nothing from R. Kelly?

* Soulja Boy literally hopped up out of bed and, theoretically, turned his swag on. I can’t make this shit up.

* I can’t identify one single nigga in Day 26. And don’t wanna and you can’t make me.

* Akeelah oversang that song but at least she can sing…

* Ne-Yo kissed a woman and didn’t nobody believe in that shit. YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE.

* If you can’t read well, take off your fucking sunglasses before getting in front of the teleprompter and ask the nice people to slow it down for you.

* Somebody shoulda got they Uncle Cornelius down from the stage.

* Nichelle gonna kick Zoe’s ass for putting her on blast like that. We did not need to know that Uhura was too busy wiping her taint to come onstage.

* Beyonce paid tribute to Sophia Petrillo all night long rockin them damn shoulder pads.

* That Shenehneh and Wanda movie is not real & I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about it.

* Mary Mary performed with Queen Latifah? …So we all pretendin like we don’t think Queen is gay? Or are they cool with the homosexuals?

* Keith Sweat, Guy, BBD, Tevin Campbell, I’m over it. I was over it in ‘92.

* Monica upstaged Keyshia Cole like BET was giving away $100 in food stamps for the best performance.

* Tiny & Toya, I can’t and I won’t.

* Alicia Keys & that one nigga from The Fugees got awards for not being totally greedy with their money.

And gotdammit I’m through.

So Little Bow Wow (you just don’t know. the way you move so fast. across the flo) has twittered the following hella inspirational quote:

If u dnt like gnr u notta real nigga. Gnr. Stick to “lol” and blend in wit err body else. While we start dis new trend and make it BIG!!!!

Mmmmhmmm. For those of you who have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to say, it’s “If you don’t like ‘Gotta Nigga Rollin’ you’re not a real nigga. Gotta nigga rollin. Stick to LOL and blend in with everybody else. While we start this new trend and make it BIG!!!”

…

……

………

UH UH.

Where to even begin? Do I start with how long it took to decipher the damn Twitter in the first place? The piercing sadness I feel at the thought of not being considered a real nigga by someone who, clearly, is the realest nigga in the game? Or at least was in the game, before his label dropped him on Monday…but I digress. The irony at asking thousands people to all do the same thing in an effort to avoid being like everybody else? I can’t take it. Y’all pick.

In other news, Martin Luther Queen (aka Perez Hilton) fake apologized for his dramatastic actions over the past few days while still getting in a couple cheap shots toward GLAAD & insinuating that he will actually win his lawsuit against Polo Molina. My blood pressure requires that I end this here.