Posts Tagged “This is relevant to my interests”

The following celebrity-themed “follow Friday” recommendations are brought to you by JORiDior, creolepimp, LuvvieIG, Leci_83, OneOf_TheKids, harlem_nocturne, jaonyourmind, justNancyP, and me mahself. Enjoy our lack of good sense.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Follow @mechanicaldummy cuz he ain’t hit a bitch in like six months, and personally, I call that growth.

Follow @maryjblige cuz in middle school you used to walk down the front steps and sing “I’m Going Down” to yourself.

Follow @rocsidiaz because your man probably is and you know how that ho get.

Follow @Adrienne_Bailon because she has to be good at SOMETHING. Tres leches cake probably.

Follow @JessicaSimpson cuz she still lookin for her dog…the one that them coyotes snatched up. And she needs some help ‘kay guys?

Follow @drakkardnoir, literally, because he’s gonna need you to help pick him up when that knee go out again.

Follow @CraigDavid cuz you called your voicemail “the answer phone” for six weeks after Fill Me In hit the charts.

#Follow @neyoshairline cuz his forehead can’t. Got lost at the fork in the road. *cues violins*

Don’t follow @perezhilton cause he STILL ain’t humbled himself down since he got the heterosexuality bitch-slapped outta him by Will.I.Am.

Follow @50cent #withisuglyass to see where that nigga goes after he kills me for fucking with him on Twitter.

Follow @DaRealerstTPain cause his dumb ass made a typo in his screen name and never fixed it. #coon

Follow @iamdiddy so you can tell us where he and the rest of the Filthy Foodstamp crew been hiding since Shyne got out.

Fllw @KhloeKardashian home. Cause the last n*gga that did, married her. (She’s the only Kardashian sis that is, so think about that b4 u h8)

Follow @neneleakes eye cause the other one doesn’t.

Follow @mslaurenlondon cause she found out what’s a goon to a goblin. Goblins can impregnate you.

Follow @songzyuuup cause he can’t hold his lip like that forever. Whatchu waitin on?

(more…)

On Twitter:



1. Do not ask people to follow you. Thirsty bitches, it’s not that damn serious! On the same note, do not sweat people for unfollowing you. Everybody ain’t meant to be together on the internet.
2. Do not re-tweet every @ reply you receive. That’s boring as fuck. I don’t care if you and your roommate are trying to decide between tuna salad and chicken salad for your best friend’s baby shower.
3. Do not send me links to check out your mixtape. I really can’t help you. No, really.
4. Locked profiles are tools of Satan. I can’t see the @ replies you send me and I can’t check out your timeline to see whether I’d like to follow you. So then you think I’m being bougie and ignoring your shit when I actually can’t see it. Unlock your account, please.
5. If you don’t like anything about how a person uses their Twitter (like frequency or content), so much so that you feel compelled to speak on it, just save everybody’s time and nerves by unfollowing that person. I crack up everytime someone announces that they’re unfollowing me. I don’t give a good goddamn what you do! Just keep it pushin.
6. Don’t say something over Twitter that you don’t want broadcast in re-tweets. Use direct messages instead.
7. “Twitter after dark” and all related twitter themes are lame as fuck. Either be horny while the sun is up and Oprah is on or skip it.
8. Don’t ask me to ask someone else to follow you. Again, not that serious.
9. Get off these celebrities’ nipples. If anything, Twitter should have taught you by now that these are some regular motherfuckers.
10. Don’t Twitter while drunk. I’m still working on this one myself. It’s fun as shit while you doin it but afterward, you re-read that shit and feel like Linda Hogan.

What did I miss? Hit me up here or on my Twitter.