Posts Tagged “Why we can’t have nice things”

Warren G’s new album, The G Files, drops today (I’m not going to pretend that I knew he was even still alive), and Vanity fucking Fair, of all magazines, interviewed him about it. The interview is boring and annoying until you get to this part (emphasis mine):

I think you should save the money for your kids and grandkids and stuff like that. But it ain’t really a bad thing to party every now and again. If you’re makin’ a lot of money, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with partying and makin’ yourself feel good and enjoying what you worked hard for. I ain’t mad at those artists rappin’ about money. But I also think we gotta teach these kids that money ain’t what it’s all about. You gotta start being a businessman or a businesswoman. Instead of just poppin’ open bottles of Cristal, we should be teaching them about business and stuff like that. I don’t just mean in terms of the hip-hop community. I mean blacks, whites, Latinos, everybody. As a generation, we need to start leading these kids down the right path.I mean, I ain’t against the gays or nothin’.

…I ain’t against gay people. I’m just against it being promoted to kids…I know people that’s gay. My wife’s got friends that are gay. I got family that’s gay. Cousins and shit. He cool as fuck. He cool as a motherfucker. He’s my homie. I just mean that on some of these TV shows, they got dudes kissing. And kids are watching that shit. We can’t have kids growing up with that.

…I know it happens, but let’s keep it behind the scenes. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with it if that’s what two dudes wanna do. Cool. But that’s not bring that out into the world, where the kids can see that. We don’t want all the kids doing that. ‘Cause that ain’t how we was originally put here to do. Like I said, I ain’t got no problem with the gays.

It’s not even that he’s homophobic. You don’t like gay people, well, that’s your own ignorant business, but whatever. What I don’t understand is how he can say “I’m not against gay people…Ain’t nothing wrong with it if that’s what two dudes wanna do” and then ALSO say “We can’t have kids growing up with that” (like “that” is hunger or a Snuggie or some shit) and “‘Cause that ain’t how we was originally put here to do”.  One of these things is not like the other, dumbass. Pick a side.

I also wonder how he justifies drinking, smoking, premarital sex, degradation of women, and drug use while condemning homosexuality, but you know, I decided a while back to stop asking hard questions and my blood pressure has since dropped significantly. If you need me I’ll be over here deleting “dance to ‘Regulator’ during wedding reception” from my gay agenda.

Let’s make this short and sweet, cuz a bitch got a real job.

I’m so damn tired of these rich niggas fucking up and blaming everybody but they damn selves. If you are 31 years old, a Super Bowl-winning professional athlete, black millionaire, you damn near sittin on top of the world. Fuck it up for what? I shed no tears for Plaxico Burress.

“This was not an intentional criminal act. In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment. ” – Benjamin Brafman, Plaxico Burress’ attorney

Chris Brown’s sentence was harsher than average, too.

Not as harsh as that blouse, but still. Don’t beat up women & you won’t have to worry about a felony.

It’s niggas out here going to jail for real injustices. Fucking Mike Vick had to go to prison behind some damn dogs, don’t get me started….We’ll see you in 18 to 24, Plax.

I know that coming out the closet is difficult. Mama know. Yessss baby. But everybody who has ever been in the closet ever, EVER knows Rule Number One:

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER LET SOMEBODY GET PROOF OF YOU DOING GAY SHIT.

How else is the lie supposed to work? When you are properly closeted,your friends can be like “Hey my dude, I don’t know if you want us to kick somebody ass or something but that nigga Ray Ray going around telling errbody you slobbed his knob behind the Costco on 63rd”, and all you have to say is “Ray Ray just mad cuz his sister is pregnant and it might be mine but I’ll be damned if I’m playing daddy to that ho baby!” and it ain’t nothing nobody can say. The rumor might swirl around for a while but it dies, like most rumors do, because there’s nothing to back it up.

HOWEVER

That shit changes whenever you decide to do the following:

1. Admit that you secretly used to check out your best friend when he stood near your urinal.
2. Go to pride just “for support” but “accidentally” end up wearing one of those tacky ass rainbow sweatbands or that plastic six-colored friendship bracelet that the AIDS Support Network be selling for $3.
3. Take pictures, half naked, with somebody of the same sex cuddled up next to you, kissing on your shoulders and shit.

Terrell Carter. Oh you better call on Jesus, Terrell Carter.

Black people know who he is but for the four white people who read this blog…wait. White people get on Google, they don’t even ask questions because the internet got all the answers. White people Googled as soon as they saw the name “Terrell Carter” & so they’re all caught up now.

If you have not yet seen the pictures, Mr. Carter has so kindly provided you closeted homos with a perfect example of what not to do:

First off don’t even come at me with “that ain’t him!” Bitch is you blind? That’s his ass. NEXT.

Secondly…damn. You got caught up homie! Classic mistakes, easily avoidable.

Terrell did everything he wasn’t supposed to as a closeted man.

Got famous? IS YOU CRAZY.

Filled out an application with Tyler Perry? IS YOU CRAZY.

Got a boyfriend? IS YOU CRAZY.

LET YOUR BOYFRIEND TAKE PICTURES OF Y’ALL BOO’D UP LIKE Y’ALL CELEBRATING THE NEW SHEETS YOU GOT FROM LINENS N THINGS* FINAL BLOWOUT SALE?

You got to be out your mind.

Much like how Steve McNair has become an example to cheating spouses everywhere (I heard UPS made like $3 million this past week alone delivering all those “Bitch don’t never call me again” certified letters to jumpoff hos across the world), Terrell Carter is the closeted homosexual that you never want to be. Had he used just a little bit of common sense (or if we lived in a world where homosexuality wasn’t stigmatized…but that’s getting way too deep for this raggedy blog) TC would be able to run around Twitter telling people that no, he’s actually Raven Symone’s baby daddy, this muhfucka Alex just mad cuz he auditioned to be “Dude With A Shiny Chest” in Tyler Perry’s newest play “You Already Know How It’s Gonna End So Here’s The Tranny Grandmama You Came To See” but didn’t get the part. And Alex, without his proof, would have faded into the background like his name was MoKenStef. Oh, but alas. Alas.

*I’m still real fucking salty that Linens N Things closed. The fuck outta here with this shit!